COMMUNICATION FOR HUMAN EXCELLENCE

COMMUNICATION FOR HUMAN EXCELLENCE
Dr. Adalat Khan
July 25, 2007
THE quality of our lives depend on the quality of our communication skills. In fact all the time we are communicating either with ourselves or others. We communicate with ourselves in terms of dialogue, self-talk, thoughts and what some call auto suggestions. We also need to communicate with others, so as to put our messages across, elicit response, sell our ideas, get information and relate. These and many other uses of communication make it extremely important that we master the art of excellent communication skills and achieve excellence in our lives.

But to do that, we need to find answer to some basic questions : What is communication! Why do we need to communicate? What are the major areas of communication? How do we acquire excellent communication skills? What is communication? There are many definitions of communication but simply put communication means the exchange and understanding of information being of information between and among parties. From this definition we can pick up a few major aspects of communication. Firstly, communication is meant for the exchange of information and ideas between and among different parties. The term parties means the exchange of information is not only between and among human beings but also between and among human beings and machines, and between machines themselves. People interacting with computers, computers interacting with one another are some examples where the parties involved include not only human beings but also machines.

Why do we need communication? Communication is life, as from the birth of a person till his death, one needs to communicate with others. The following are some of the reasons which emphasize the need for communication:

MAKING OTHERS AWARE OF OUR EXISTENCE

The cry of a child at the time of his or her birth communicates to the world an arrival of a new person. People are made aware of the baby and acknowledge that a new person is going to exist. This existence ceases when the person’s heart beat stops thus communicating the end of his or existence. This may sound too philosophical but communication is the main factor which will make others aware of our existence. People who acquire fame and fortune and high visibility are the people who share their ideas and make it known to others. Contrarily people who remain in obscurity and remain unknown are the once who though may be highly intelligent and possess great ideas, fail to share their ideas with others. This is such a powerful reason necessitating why we need to communicate effectively.

WE NEED TO COMMUNICATE

The very purpose why God made us with a mouth, eyes, hands, face and a physical being is for communication. Otherwise He would have created us in another form, like stones which don’t have these possessions. Man is social animal and as a social animal he is sentenced to communicate. No person can afford not to communicate. Communication truly does not have an opposite. These is no way for human beings not to behave, and all types of behavior have possible communication value. Whether we speak or remain silent, whether we act or do not act, all these actions in some way effect others. They in turn will respond or remain silent, both of which are forms of communication. Many people have the wrong concept, not considering silence as communication. Even when we don’t speak and remain silent we still communicate. At times silence can be a very powerful form of communication. Happiness, anger, anxiety, honesty, sarcasm, attraction and many other feelings and signals are relayed to others mostly through our facial expressions and body language. This means that we can not communicate and if that is the case why not learn how to do it effectively.


DEVELOPING RELATIONSHIPS

This point which relates to the previous means that to survive in life we need the help and support of others. To seek and get the help and support from others we need to ask them and ask in a manner which will motivate them to extend it thus re-em-phasing good communication skills. A recently published book called Emotional Intelligence has revealed some amazing facts about the role of communication skills in a person’s success or failure. According to the book, previously a person’s Intelligence Quotient (IQ) was considered to be a major factor in his or her life success. But the research conducted by the author reveals another dimension, that is although IQ is a good thing to have, a more important trait for someone to succeed is what he calls “Emotional Quotient(EQ). Emotional Quotient in simple words is the ability to control our emotions and also get along with others. A person’s EQ is very much dependent on communication skills.

PERSUASION

From asking people to make major changes to asking for small favours one needs persuasion. Persuasion is very mush dependent on good communication skills. It has been witnessed many a time that one idea presented by two different persons elicit different responses from others. One person succeeds in persuading others in whatever that person wants them to do. While another person presenting the same ideal fails to get the support and commitment of others. The key factor which results in two different outcomes is communication skills, which properly deployed can persuade others and if not properly used, dissuade others. Communication is life and to spend life effectively one needs to acquire good communication skills. The understanding of the meaning as well as the importance of communication will enable us to become aware of its role in achieving success, and mastering the art of good communication skills helps us achieve excellence and reach our fullest potential. Thus to avoid failures and achieve success, and to come out of obscurity and attain fame and prosperity, all of us need to get armed with good communication skills.


Step 1
Be clear in your mind about exactly what your needs are. If you are not 100% clear on them, there is no way your conversation partner will be clear on them. This step requires a lot of thought, both about the "what" (what your need is) but also the "why" and "how" - why is this need so important to you, why is this person the one who can help you meet that need, and how are you asking the other person to help you? For example, if you need your spouse to help you more around the house, are you asking for an extra chore to be picked up, an even division of household responsibilities, or money for a cleaning service? Depending on how large and/or complex your need is, jotting down notes or journaling can help organize your thoughts and see how to frame your side of the conversation
• Step 2
When thinking about what you are going to say, it's important to remain as rational as possible. If someone feels they are being blamed, nagged, put down, or condescended to, they will shut down, get defensive, and effective communication becomes impossible. Avoid the following phrases: "If only you would..." "Why don't you..." "Things would be better/easier if you would just..." By keeping the conversation focused on you ("I feel..." "I need..." "This is important to me because...") you stay on point and your listener doesn't shut down.
• Step 3
When you are in a reasonably quiet and private setting, open the conversation by stating your needs as clearly and as calmly as possible. This is difficult since by definition it is an emotional topic, but it is very important to keep your emotions in check. Getting emotional will only distract the listener from your message, and it will distract you from saying everything that needs to be said. Stay on point - the shorter you can be (both in time and word length), the better chance your message will be received and understood.
• Step 4
If mutual understanding is not immediately obvious, ask the other person to tell you, in their own words, what you have expressed to them. Don't do this in a nagging way (a phrase like "What did I just say?" is condescendingly reminiscent of a parent reprimanding a child). Instead, try to draw it out in a more productive manner by asking questions like "Does this make sense to you?" and "Have you ever felt similarly?" By having a dialogue about it, you'll learn if the other person truly understands your needs, or if there are any gray areas that need clarifying.
• Step 5
Speaking of productive dialogue, be prepared for the other person to express opinions and/or ask questions about what you've just told them. This is not a lecture - it is an open conversation between two people. Keeping an open mind and truly welcoming the other person's input and feedback paves the way for a healthy dialogue, opportunities for compromise, and can give you valuable perspective on the issue at hand - outside of your own head.
• Step 6
Behavior changes do not happen overnight. By effectively communicating your needs, you have asked your conversation for some form of behavior change, be it washing the dishes every other night or something much more complicated. The best way to ensure that situations improve moving forward, and ensuring you don't have to keep having the same conversation over and over, is to form an action plan that both of you agree to. In my example of a spouse helping more around the house, this can be as simple as keeping a list of chores and the person responsible for each one on the fridge. The key is that it be a specific plan agreed to by both parties that can be referred to in the future.